Cost

"I'll never know how much it cost to see my sin upon that cross"

Today when driving to Auburn your Dad asked me, " Do you ever think about what that really means?"

I thought he was talking about a conversation we were having so I was a bit confused. He asked the question again, "Do you ever thing about what that really means?"

I thought for a minute and said, "yeah, I have thought about it."I was telling your Dad I think about what God must have felt like. I ponder what it would be like to send you to die for people I don't know for things as like little white lies. I cannot imagine sending you to die for those people I don't even like. There's no way I could do it!

But your Dad thought about it another way. He was thinking about Jesus. Could he have did what Jesus did. He said he would like to think he could endure it all for me and you, but what about everyone else. What about those people who stole his tools a few weeks ago or the customers he cannot get to pay him? Could I do it for them? No Way! Jesus did!! He endured it all for people he didn't know and people who would chose not to chose Him! Why? Because of Love!

The Bible commands us to love and love is great sacrifice. Matthew says, "No greater love than this then he who would lay down his life for a friend." It is easy to say I love you to someone but never to truly comprehend the sacrifice behind the love and the commitment to those words. Corinthians says, "Love Never Fails" We all fail. Your Dad and I will fail! We are not perfect! But there is one who is perfect and he showed us perfect love at Calvary! He will never fail!

In thinking about love remember the sacrifice behind love. Remember it's a laying down of your life for another. Even your enemies! The Bible says to, "love your enemies" What a task before us!

Abigail you can love with this love but only through Jesus! He is the only one who can love through you. Allow yourself to be molded and shaped by the Lord and allow his love to shine through you to others.

I have a story I want to share with you that your Daddy tells.

A preacher was giving the invitation one night at church and shared this story. There was a dad who took his son and a friend fishing. A big storm came and the two boys fell off the boat. The dad turned and there was one lifesaver. Who do you think the dad threw it to? His son of course! No! He through it to his sons friend. How? Why? His son was saved and he knew where he was going but the friend was not. The preacher looked in the crowd and pointed to a man and said, " that's the Dad who took me fishing. I am the boy he chose."

In this story you could doubt the fathers love for his son very easily, but his love was shown through sacrifice. Much like the love the Father showed to us by giving us Jesus. It wasn't the absence of love, it was the willingness to share the love with others!!

When you think about the cross, never forget the love behind it and how it is your job, your lifes call, to share it!

You'll never know how much it cost to see your sin upon that cross! Do you ever think about it?

Pictures

As you will learn, I love technology. I am always looking for the newest "toy" as Baba and Pops call it to try out and learn to use. My newest "toy" is the iphone. I have wanted one for a long time but Daddy isn't to into this kinda stuff, he would rather have a gun or a tractor or something like that. He did finally breakdown and buy me one for my first mother's day. I was so excited. I love it! I have used it so much for so many things that are really not important or necessary at all.

So this one isn't much of a story or lesson, just some pictures I really want to share with you. Right now I am really liking this app for the iphone called Instagram. You can take pictures and give them a color change to make them look differently. I really like it because I love antiques and it makes the pictures look oldish!

Here are some of my favorite pictures I have taken of you!!

Praying for Daddy

Holding Your Head up for the First Time

Two-Piece Jammies

Sleeping Beauty

Morning Hair

Getting Better at Holding Head Up

My Cousins

Clapping those Feet

Sweet Smile

I love watching you sleep!

Sweet Loving

Holding on to those Toes

Gracie

Playing with Gracie for the First Time

Gracie is quite the dog as you will learn! She is pretty much Marley from the movie and the books. She has done some crazy things and like John Grogan said, "She not a regular dog."

Thanksgiving 2008

When your Dad was deployed, she was at Papa Teddy's and I drove up to get her. I found her tangled in a screen off their house. She looked at me like, "what? I didn't do it!"

I came home once to find her in the bathroom of our apartment. There was poop all over the place, toilet paper was everywhere and the hairdryer was running! How she managed that one is beyond me.

When she was staying at the apartment with my parents we used to find smudges on the mirror behind the couch in the living room. Later, we found out who was doing that! Gracie was jumping up there and looking at herself in the mirror. Mom said she would say, "Mirror, Mirror on the wall whose the prettiest dog of all. Oh! That's me, Gracie!"

The "Chunk It"

She will fetch anything! Water bottles, paper, twigs, bones, even snowballs! Just about anything you will throw, she'll go get it!! When you play fetch with her, you have to be real careful because she will bring you trees to throw. But her most favorite thing to fetch is a tennis ball. She will chase them for hours. You can throw them in the lake all day and she will fetch them. It's her mission in life to save that tennis ball! Whoever invented the "Chunk It" was brilliant! No more hands dirty and drooly from the ball, and when you have a hyper dog like Gracie, the further the better!

She is an amazing jumper. She jumps into the back of your Dad's truck with the tailgate up! She jumped off our 9 foot back porch after a dove, and off the dock a thousand times chasing the ball. She'd jump out  our 4 foot fence just to go lay on the front porch.

April 2005

Gracie is an escape artist. From the time was the puppy, she wanted her freedom. Daddy tried to keep her pinned up at the Downey's but it never worked. She always got free and she taught her friends the same. You never got to meet Bubbles, but she was Nanny's bulldog and Papa Teddy kept her pinned up. They planned together how to free her. Bubbles pulled the fence with her strong jaw and Gracie dug the hole for her to come out through. No matter what Papa Teddy did to keep Bubbles in.. Gracie freed her! We had a 125 pound Golden Retriever named Mason, and Gracie escaped with him and got him hit by a car.

Dock Dogs Competition 2008
Gracie jumped 21 Feet!

She's been the mom to 22, yes I said 22, puppies. She had two litters of 11 puppies. After 2 weeks she didn't want to feed them anymore. We had to water down puppy chow and feed them twice a day. Once we came home and it was raining really hard. We just let Gracie and the puppies run free in the backyard. We had a over hang on our shed out back with a jetski under it. Gracie did not want anything to do with the puppies. When we came home we went to let her in the house and found her sitting on top of the jetski to get away from the puppies. It was hilarious!! She couldn't get to the back door fast enough.

Fall 2006

Gracie truly is man's best friend and she has been that for our family! Your dad deployed twice when we were together and Gracie was always there for me! On his first deployment, she kept us laughing with her all her crazy stunts, and she kept me busy training her for your Dad. I taught her three things sit, stay and come. (She does all three quite well)

On his second deployment, she was simply my company and my security. We had a house at this time and I didn't want David to think I didn't feel safe in the home he had bought for me so I stayed there alone. Gracie was someone for me to talk to, to cry on when I missed your Dad, and to keep your Dad's side of the bed warm. I love her so much! When I was all alone, she was always there.

Deployment 2 "Hanging with Pops"

When your Dad came home from that deployment he asked me to bring Gracie with me to pick him up. I brought her in the truck and left the back window in the truck cracked for her to get air. When she saw your Dad, she pushed the window open with her nose and jumped over the tailgate out of the truck to see your Dad. Unconditional Love!!

The day after your Dad deployed!
6 weeks old

Even when you were born, Abigail, she would stay up late into the night with us.  She is always there!

I guess your wondering why and how we ended up with Gracie. Your Dad proposed with Gracie and she has been crazy since the beginning. Dad had his parents come put Gracie in the back of his truck while we went into the Walmart. I was supposed to just get into the truck and not notice her but remember she is an escape artist and she got out of the box and was walking around in the back. I picked her up and I just thought she was a gift from Dad to help me through the deployments but she was much more than that. We took her to Flat Rock to play with her and while I was playing with her your Dad called my name. I turned around and there he was on one knee asking me to marry him.

Gracie was suppose to have the ring on her neck but things didn't work out quite like Dad wanted but it was so perfect!

Your first meeting!

Gracie got her name that night as well. We were talking about what to name her and of course your Dad didn't care. We decided on Gracie because we always wanted to look at Gracie and have the reminder that we were God's gift of Grace to each other. And so the name took and to this day when times get tough, I always look at our crazy animal and remember God's grace!

Abigail, Gracie is a picture of Jesus and His Love in my life. He is always there. He always has an open ear. He is always excited to see and talk to you no matter how bad things were that day. He keeps no record of wrong and forgives us for anything that we do to make Him unhappy. He seeks after what is lost and does not stop until he finds it! It's hard to believe an animal can show us so much about Jesus!

Relaxing on the Boat

When you look at Gracie, play with her, and begin to love her in the years to come, I pray you are reminded of God's grace as well. God gave you something you did not deserve!! He gave you eternal life. A gift that cannot be taken away! Your Dad and I's prayer is that you receive this gift and share it with so many more.

Oh, and, you don't have to worry about Gracie going to Heaven, she's very holy! She ate an entire Bible!!

Dock Dogs Competition! My favorite picture of our family before you!

Ring

Our engagement picture were taken Saturday Morning before he left that afternoon!

Your Dad and I continued to date for the months to come. We had a great time together and there are so many things I could share from this time. Your Dad was so good to me and I knew deep down he was going to be the one, but I was constantly battling the peace I felt when I was with him.

I prayed for our relationship asking God if your dad was not right for me that he would end it early. I remember kneeling on my knees by the bed each night after he left asking God to protect my heart. It was like I was so scared he was going to leave, I could not truly embrace what God had given me.

I recalled to mind James 4 where is says, "Draw near to me and I will draw near to you." I was nestling up to  the Lord asking for his continued hand in our relationship and in the direction of my life. But it wasn't until sometime in January, God gave me my first diamond.

It was late one night after your Dad had went home and I found myself yet again on my knees praying about your Dad. I began to cry, just begging God to not allow your Dad to hurt me. It was a struggle inside me to rest in the Lord's peace, and it was making me physically exhausted. And then in the quiet, louder than my cry, the Lord spoke to me.

Many times in my life, I have heard the Lord speak to my heart, but this time it was more than that. I heard the Lord audibly speak to me. Almost 6 years later, I can still hear His still, quiet voice say, "Be still and know that I am God." Words cannot begin to explain the voice I heard and the overwhelming peace and trust in the Lord I felt. His voice was stern, yet loving. It was a whisper that could be heard only by my attuned ears. Why me? Why allow me to hear Your voice? Don't these things only happen in the Bible?

So many times, Abigail, we miss God because we do not seek Him in the quiet places of our heart. We do not hear because we do not listen, and we do not have, because we do not ask. Abigail, always be found listening, and always be found ready!!

After this moment with the Lord, I had a new confidence in our relationship.

I started writing a book that I planned on giving to your Dad when left for his deployment if we were still together. (we still have the book in the living room of the house. one day I plan to read it to you) The book is mostly prayers and thoughts for your Dad. As the Lord was teaching me things, I would write them down for your Dad to read. I wrote quotes that I love in the book and my favorite Bible verses. This book was full of me and something I really wanted your Dad to cherish.

Five months flew by and April came too soon. Your Dad was a "Ranger." (I know it didn't mean much to me either at first) He explains it to me as the elite soldier, and the only ones who "do" anything in the war. I guess his t-shirt explains it best, "When is absolutely, positively has to be destroyed over night." He was a gunnar and you know how much he loves guns. He loved his job, but it was difficult. Difficult because I knew he was only home 6 months, then gone for 3. I knew he had just gotten home when we met, and the time to leave was drawing near.

He never said much about it, but I could feel it. First sign, He told me he loved me. Second sign, Time off. Third sign, He wanted to spend time with Papa Teddy.

I had to give him my gifts because knowing your Dad, he would have left without saying good-bye to protect his unit. It was late on Monday, April 5th and I gave your Dad the book I had written, a Bible, and several hand written letters. I cried but he kept assuring me, it was all going to be okay.

Remember the ring I talked about. The one with the heart and the cross that I wore to remind me of the promise the Lord gave me that He would protect me. Well, that night, I pulled it off my finger and gave it to your Dad. I told him I wanted it to protect him like God had protected me by giving me your Dad. He took the ring and tied it to the knife he kept in his pocket.

Sissy and I the Sunday after showing off our rings. 

Little did I know, your Dad had bigger plans for that ring. He took that ring to the jeweler and used it to get the size for my engagement ring.

Thursday your Dad asked me to marry him, and Saturday he left for the deserts of Iraq.

This story is so dear and precious to my heart. It just shows the power of releasing things over to the Lord, and trusting in His promises. That small ring with a big promise, turned into a bigger ring full of joy holding with it the promise of your Dad. He is more than I could have dreamed!

Abigail, many times in life it will be easy to walk away and not trust in God's promises because they seem to far out of reach. But trust them Abigail, remind yourself of them daily, and wait on the Lord to fulfill them!